Template 113
10 years ago
I know I'm not the first woman to ask these questions.
I know I'm not the first to feel the way I'm feeling.
I know it's not really logical to think I can do everything, be everything, make everyone happy, and never make a single mistake. So why does it feel so bad when I think about not doing it all?
Am I doing enough?
Is my time well spent?
Do my kids know how much I love them?
Have I made sure they know how much Heavenly Father loves them?
Does Reas know that he means everything to me?
Do I serve others enough?
Is my house clean enough?
Are my prayers sincere?
Do I play with my kids enough?
Are they eating healthy?
Am I following the spirit?
Do I hug my family as much as they need?
Do I make others happy?
Am I developing my talents?
Do I even have any REAL talents?
Do I love my neighbors?
Am I a good wife?
Am I too judgemental?
Am I too soft?
Do I spend enough time in the scriptures?
Do I discipline correctly?
Do I LOVE?
Am I creating happy memories for my kids?
Am I teaching them valuable lessons?
Am I doing enough in my calling?
And then the last question: What am I forgetting?
Because there's always more.
I try. Day after day I try. But is it enough? There is so much to improve. So many people to worry about and in moments like these I just wonder, how. How am I supposed to do EVERYTHING I know I should be doing to improve myself, as well as care for those I love? How do I have the strength to be good and kind and patient even when I'm tired and life is so...so lifey.
How?
I know the answers. Pray, keep trying, choose one thing to work on and do it. It's so easy to say. So easy to give the right answers. And so hard to actually DO. Sometimes I'm just tired.
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You took the words right out of my mouth, Carrie :)
Amanda said...
October 22, 2012 at 8:54 AM
Did you ever read the book, "Black Beauty"? Remember the one mean owner that kept beating Black Beauty because he wasn't going fast enough? I was about 10 years old reading that and sobbing, "He's doing the BEST he can! Stop it!" Reading your blog gives me the same feeling - I'm yelling to the adversary, "Leave her alone!" The fact that you ARE having all those doubts tells me that you ARE doing the right things. I love the scripture that says, "in the arms of his love" referring to the Savior. Once while feeling like you are, this thought came into my mind, "You require more of yourself than even the Lord does." Now, take several deep breaths and fight back against the "firey darts" that are being hurled at you. Let the Spirit teach you the truth.
Mom said...
October 25, 2012 at 10:10 AM