Today Lily will see the neurologist... a little miracle in itself that we were able to get in so quick.  I don't think we'll really learn anything new since tests will have to be done, but at least we're moving forward.

First written on April 21, 2010


I am writing this post without knowing when or if it will ever be published.  I need to write.  I need to express my feelings and try to put into words all the confusing emotions that I'm feeling.  Today I woke up nervous about what the day would bring.  In only a few hours I would be sitting in the pediatrician's office with our sweet Lily, sharing with her doctor some of the concerns that we have for her.

Thinking back about the types of blog posts I have written about our baby, it's obvious that I avoid talking about her developmentally.  I write about the cute things she does, the sweet baby that she is, and of course how much we love her, and can't imagine life without her.  I haven't documented any baby firsts.  I haven't written about her first roll, her first tooth, her learning to stand, or even learning to crawl.  It's not that I've forgotten to write about these things, it's that they've never happened.  Not any of them.  She sits.  She smiles and laughs, she babbles, and she loves. Lily is yet to reach many physical developmental milestones that many babies her age have been doing for 6 months or longer.  Lily doesn't even stand when we hold her in our lap - something that babies as young as a couple of months can do.

She had her last well check at 6 months.  And while it was maybe uncommon that she hadn't reached some these milestones by that age, it wasn't so unusual that her doctor seemed concerned, so we went on assuming everything was fine.  At nine months, I was a little more concerned about things she wasn't doing, but after researching the internet, I found plenty of reassurance that some babies just take their time and not to be overly worried.  Since she was so healthy and wasn't due for any immunizations at nine months, I decided to wait for her 12 month appointment.  Not to mention all the H1N1 scares.  I didn't want to needlessly expose her to anything by taking her to a doctor's office.  

Now at 12 months, we need aswers.  I think I have prayed harder and longer in the last couple of weeks than at any other time in my life. I've prayed for Lily's health, I've prayed for the doctors.  Mostly I've prayed that I would be at peace with whatever outcome we would face.   

As Dr. Dorway and  I began talking about her, and some the things that she is and is not doing, he still didn't seem alarmed, like maybe he had seen it before and it was ok.  Then he began to review her growth charts.  For what seemed like forever, he went back and forth between the weight chart, the height chart, and the head circumference.  Then he said, "Lily, you are SHORT!"  Thoughts start flying through my mind like is she a midget?  Is she failure to thrive?  What's going on?  He didn't know.  He couldn't give us any answers, except what the numbers were telling him.  Which has basically this:  At birth up til about 6 months, Lily's head circumference, length, and weight, were all right around the 50th percentile.  Now at 12 months her head circumference continues to be normal for her age, but her weight and her height and have dropped to below the charts.  Her size doesn't fall within the measured range of infants.  In fact, she hits a whole graph square below zero.   On average, a 12 month-old will have tripled their birth weight.  Lily has gone from 7 lbs. 12 oz. at birth to almost 16.5 pounds at one year, a little more than doubling her weight.  If it were only her weight that had dropped he wouldn't be as concerned, but because her height has been equally affected, he thinks there might be something going on.

Now we wait.  We are waiting for the referral to see a pediatric neurologist.  Her doctor wants us to see a neurologist because he thinks there may be a problem with her pituitary gland, which not only affects growth, but sex organs, and the thyroid.  He said it could be a month before we can get in for an appointment, which just might be the longest month of my life.

Today I cried a lot.  I reflected a lot.  I thought about life, my family, and what matters most.  I thought about Lily's future, and what may lay ahead for her, and for all of us.  I don't know whether to start worrying a lot, preparing myself for the worst case scenario, or to just try to relax, knowing that we don't really know anything yet.  If it is her pituitary gland not producing properly, there are ways to stimulate that.  She might always be little, but little is ok.  Little can still be healthy.  The pituitary was only a first impression.  It's possible that it's something else.  I hate not knowing. Waiting is torture.

I am grateful for a supportive husband, loving friends, and family who would drop everything to be with us if needed.  I am thankful that I can pray anytime and anywhere, and know that my family is loved and watched over.

Posting may be a bit sporatic for the next little while.  I'll try to post updates as we receive them.

I have this dream. It's just a teeny tiny baby dream right now, but I have a feeling it's not going to go away. It's my opinion that when dreams haunt me all day long and make it so I can hardly think about anything else, then maybe there's something to it. Maybe someday it won't just be a dream. But here's my confession: I'm a big scaredy cat. I easily talk myself out of things that maybe won't be very easy, or that will maybe move me out of my comfort zone. I'm not much of a risk taker and don't ever like to chance exposing my weakness.

So here's my story (this leads up to my dream): Reas and I lived in lots of different apartments for the first 6 years of our marriage. In 2006 we moved into our first real home. I use the term "real home" loosely because it wasn't even ours. We were renting it. I call it our first home only because it wasn't an apartment. It wasn't attatched to anyone or anything else and that made it feel like it was mine. We were so happy! It's 1300 square feet and 3 bedrooms felt HUGE after being in 900-1000 square foot apartments for so long. The combination of moving into all that empty space and having very little money in my decorating budget taught me some things about myself. I learned first: that I love to play house. I love decorating. I love rearranging furniture. I love to make my home beautiful. OK that was actually 4 things, but they're all related. Next I learned that I could do all of that without spending a lot of money. And finally, I discovered that I absolutely LOVE the process of creating something beautiful out of well, something not so lovely. I love the thrill of finding a great deal after patiently waiting for the perfect something to show up at the thrift store. I love the challenge of turning nothing into something.

Before long, I had filled up that little house with nickel and dime treasures. Just about the time I was wondering where I was going to find room to put my next project, we bought our current home. Almost doubling the size of our previous house there was so much space and so much to do! My list of projects was a mile long. We needed a lot of furniture and I was up to the challenge of thrifting with a goal. I realize not everyone could be excited about trying to furnish and decorate a five bedroom house for cheap. I, on the other hand, was thrilled. I've had plenty of weird looks from family and friends when they see what I happily bring home from stores, yard sales, the sidewalk...the trash. It doesn't bother me. In fact, I kind of like it because then I can come back later with my finished product and say "See?! I told you it'd be cute!!"

Sorry. I'm starting to ramble.

The point is this. We've now been in our house just over two years. And (hear the sadness in my voice here) we are 98% fully furnished top to bottom. I'm running out of room. There are only a few empty walls. With the exception of a dresser for Ty and a couple of nighstands for our bedroom, there isn't anything else we need, corners for me to fill. What do I do? I mean I guess I could stop neglecting my kids, maybe start making dinner every once in a while...he he. Just kidding. I try to do a good job balancing duty with hobby. Just because my house is full and I don't really need anthing more, I still have this drive to create. This need to peek into the thrift store or stop at the neighbor's yard sale. I can't help it!! But I also can't help the fact that an overcrowded house is not a good thing. And it goes against all that I am to buy just to buy. Even if my purchases are inexpensive, every single one of them is purposeful.

Now we come back full circle to my dream. Someday I would love to help others. I'd love to show people that that coffee table, or bookcase or picture frame or whatever, is still good! Think of a new way to use it. Paint it. Chop it in half! Use it in a way that's totally new and different. Don't be afraid to try something crazy every now and then. I'll do it for you if you let me!! I'd love to refurbish furniture and home decor items and sell it out of my garage. That's the crazy dream I think about.

Do I have room for that kind of hobby? No. Do I have time for that? I say yes, some might say no. Would anyone buy it? Maybe not. But would I absolutely love every second of it? YES!!!!

So that's my dream friends. Someday...maybe someday.

I'm so excited to finally have more pictures to share from Maggie's new room. We took a lengthy break from finishing it up because of a major inspiration freeze for one wall. I have one last little project to complete and then her room gets a big fat check mark next to it! I'm tired of waiting, so I'm going to show it anyway.









For now, there's room in her closet to designate the lower shelf for her books and other odds and ends. I'm hoping that will cut back on some clutter






This wall was so fun to do. Maggie did the artwork herself (inspired by this project), which she loves! The pink flower is a prized possession from her 15 year-old cousin/idol. I never quite knew what to do with it, but I think it's perfect here. My favorite for sure is the dresser. I can't get over how perfect the color came out! You can see it in its "before" state here.



All along, I was hoping the existing window treatments would be able to work. They were the first ones I ever made and this is the only window in the entire house that is the right size. I'm so happy Maggie gave them the thumbs up! I love how they add a little sophistication, but if you ask me, toile fits anywhere.




And there you have it. Ta da! A big girl, but not too big girl room. It was a labor of love for my sweet Maggie with touches of homemade everywhere. And just because I like to think about how much money I save, soon I'll be posting the budget breakdown.

I'm linking this post up to Just a Girl's Show and Share Day.

Welcome to my pantry/coat closet/catch-all place/food storage closet. I don't believe I've ever revealed this oh so important place in our home because it's usually in a horribly chaotic state, completely unfit for the public eye. Today it comes out of hiding.




There's a reason I'm showing this. Today I'm feeling grateful. Grateful for those continual little promptings that encourage me to get my house in order and to prepare my family for unforseen (but not totally unexpected) circumstances. Grateful for those bits of inspiration that undoubtedly come from God that tell me how I can make room for storing extra food and supplies in what is already a too small space.

This little under the stairs coat closet is where it's at. With a little creativity, some promptings from the spirit to get me into gear, and of course putting some old junk to good use, I'm excited to say that we can fit a heck of a lot of food in here! This week Reas and I packed up the kids, headed to Smith's caselot sale (we hit it every year now) and replenished our food storage. Yes, we filled 3 baskets. Yes EVERY person we passed looked at us like we were a crazy Mormon family (oh wait! we are),
but there really is no greater feeling than to know that we are doing our best to be prepared and self-sufficient.

Here's how I've tried to make this space the most efficient. One side of the closet is lined with old bookcases that we were going to get rid of until I thought better. They've become my pantry shelves. They're not quite as deep as I'd like, but it's better than what was in here before...NOTHING.




Random hand me down wood shelving fits perfectly in that weird cave under the stairs. More food is back there. It wraps back around the corner, but I couldn't very well get back there with camera in hand.





The other side of the closet has hooks for coats, backpacks, and lunchboxes because we couldn't give up this space entirely to food.





This isn't everything, but it's a start. A huge work in progress. Sometimes I get overwhelmed, like when I think about how much water my family would need to survive for even only a couple of days. How do I store that? Or when I think about all the things other than food that we'd need that I know we don't have yet. But what I do know is the calm feeling I get when I'm working toward establishing our food storage, even if it's only a little bit at a time. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who is working with small spaces, who gets bogged down in thinking about the huge quantity of stuff that my family needs, but I'm trying. And it feels good.

I'm guessing there are probably some pretty great blogs out there dedicated to this subject, but I don't know what they are. I am NO professional...obviously. If anyone knows the name of some food storage smart bloggers, please share.

For now, here are some tips I've found useful:

- Choose a spot for your food storage, whether it's a closet, part of a closet, under a bed, a corner of a room. If you have a designated place then you'll notice when it's starting to get empty.

- Remember to use what you have and ROTATE it when you buy more.

- Buy something for your food storage everytime you shop, even if it's only one can of something. It will start to add up.

- Stock up when you find a good deal.

- And last, keep a list of food storage items that come to mind throughout the day (or middle of the night). I have a list taped to the wall on the inside of my closet. I can quickly look at it before heading to the grocery store so I know what sales to watch out for.

Right now I'm feeling so driven to work on this I can't help but share.

...so if you were wondering, the caselot sale goes through Tuesday. Fabulous!

Oh! and if you'll notice, the flooring in this closet consists of a carpet scrap thrown down on top of cement. Note to self (and husband) get to that, will you?

Yesterday Ty put his whole heart into his debut baseball game. On the ride over to the ball field, he kept telling me, "I'm gonna slam it, mom!" Of course, me being the emotional and protective mom that I am did NOT want him to be disappointed when or if he never hit the ball. So I gave him the whole justtryyourbestandhavefunbutsometimeswestrikeoutandthat'sok talk.

He listened to my pep talk and humored me, and then said, "I'm gonna whack it!" I sure hoped so.

I don't know what was more fun - seeing how excited Ty was about the big game or watching Reas sprint from the parking lot all the way to the field in order to get there in time for the first pitch of the season. He's the epitome of a proud dad. I think we've got a long baseball career ahead of us. And I'm now officially a baseball mom...good thing I've got a minivan.

I'm happy to report that Ty slammed it indeed. He went 3 for 3 at the plate, scored 3 times, and had an RBI. I know it's only a matter of time before we're all humbled, but for now our kid's batting 1000!

Way to go #7!

Maybe this is common knowledge, maybe not. Hack the handle off of a way too country- looking wicker basket and you'll have a new updated look instantly. It's that simple. I've done it lots. Depending on how thick the handle is you might be able to use a steak knife from the kitchen drawer or you may need a little hand saw. Either way, it's easy easy. So before you send your old baskets out the door with the give-away stuff (especially the ones with the perfect shape that fit in that little spot), give it a try. It's like a cool magic trick.

Mom, I love you because you make me green beans and asparagus!

Thanks everyone for leaving those experimental comments on my last post. I think we're up and running again.

This week is Spring Break for our kids. Unfortunately, we've had kind of nasty windy weather most of the week, so we've mostly just hung out together at home...played with play-doh, done puzzles, had extra piano lessons. They might be a little disappointed but for me, it's been great. I've realized that I have about 90% more things to laugh about when kids are home all day. Really truly, my life would be boring without them. I'd probably just paint and change my furniture around all day... very dull stuff like that.





I love when the three oldest are in deep conversation together without a clue that I'm listening. Here's what I've overheard recently from Claire, the affectionate sweetie, Ty the only BOY who's trying to find his way among numerous sisters, and Maggie, the wise and all-knowing teacher:

Claire: Ty, I LOVE you! I'm going to MARRY you.

Ty: Ewwwww. No way!

Maggie: You can't marry Ty! Brothers and sisters and cousins aren't allowed to marry eachother. If they do, their kids will be bald and only have ONE eye.

Not sure she can document that, but I think we'll just go on letting them believe it.